Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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