Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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