week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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