we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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