im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
