Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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