i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
