I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
