I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
