i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
