im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
