420 ftw
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
