I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
