the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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