I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
