I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
