some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
