i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
sarcasm needs its own font
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
