I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She announced her abortion via fbk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
