This is not my ceiling
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
