youre lurking in front of me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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