So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
