Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
