She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
