We're facebook friends in real life
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
