You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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