He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
