dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
