Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
