discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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