Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
