getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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