some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
