Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
