officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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