He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
