If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
