Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Randomize
