when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize
