We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
