Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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