Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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