you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize