I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's not a foreskin expert like you
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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