No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
