so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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