Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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