So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I got inside last night via doggy door
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
