Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
