Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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