He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
