you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
