I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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