the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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