Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
