is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
