I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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