My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
