just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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