i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
