stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize