Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
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