Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize