My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Randomize
