I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I intend to get homeless drunk
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
