Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
