Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
