we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
