I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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