Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
