You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
