Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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