so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
