i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
