i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
