apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
