everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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