she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
